Today I was knocked off my feet...again. Before my Dad was diagnosed with Leukemia there was a certain song stuck in my head. I truly love the song and part of the lyrics goes a little something like this:
"When my world is shaking heaven stands. And when my heart is breaking I never leave your hands."
The song is called, "Hands" by J.J. Heller. Beautiful song. In any case, the song was stuck in my head and I sang it over and over again. Then I needed those words. I needed the truth of them. I needed to be held because my world was shaking really bad. I'm a daddy's girl to the Nth degree. Once I heard the diagnosis then another part of the song was replaying over and over in my head, "The hands that shape the world are holding me, they hold me still." I truly believe that God is in control.
Today...On my way to meet Dustin and his mom for lunch I heard another song that I really like. The song is "I will praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns. The chorus goes a little something like this:
"I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands. You are who you are no matter where I am. Every tear I cry you hold in your hands. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm."
Without me really paying attention I felt myself honing in on those words. I should have known another quake was coming...
Ms. Angie told us that Dustin's dad has prostate cancer. The same rock in my gut that I felt the day I heard about my dad came back. I fought back tears like a desperate mother trying to save her child. I was screaming inside. Mostly for my husband. He thinks the world of his dad. He was stoic but I saw him falling apart and not wanting to ask the questions that he had for fear of losing composure in a public place. I rubbed his back but all he would do was stare straight ahead. She told us that they caught it early and that he has a lot of options. He will be going to Jacksonville to talk about these options with a specialist. Ms. Angie told us not to worry about him but that she felt an odd sense of peace about everything.
I know that God is in control but my problem is that I want to dictate that control. NO ONE in my family should have to deal with such a vicious monster such as cancer! And this is the part where I need the most help. Letting go and letting God do what he does best. After all Father truly does know best.
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