Near Year End Update

WOW!  (I think I need to say it again...)  WOW!

So much has happened since my last post.  Dad had a stem cell transplant and his new (2nd) birthday is November 30th.  The nurses came in with balloons and sang "Happy Birthday" to him.  He has since been released from the hospital and is now residing in a place called Hope Lodge in Atlanta.  It has all the amenities of home without it being home.  He may get to come back home to the tree house in January!  This is great news because we were originally told that it would be mid March before he could come home.  We've also been told that he will not get to be home for Christmas but I found out today that he will!!!!!  When I read this new info on Karen's blog I burst into tears and thanked God for all that he has done for Dad and for letting us spend Christmas with him.

Dustin and I found out that I am carrying another boy.  His name will William Alexander.  We will call him Will.  Dustin's dad's name is William and we just like the way Alexander sounded with it.  We will call him Will because Dustin's dad is called Bill and Dustin's brother (who is named after his father) is also called Bill (and Little Bill, by the family.)  As I type this, Will is about the size of a cantaloupe but not yet a pound.  We got to see him yawn in the ultrasound.  It was so cute.  As soon as I figure out how to download the pictures I will post them.

My cousin's, John and Della, have a new baby boy too!  He was born on the 16th of this month.  Della and John adopted this child.  He's going to be at my mom's for Christmas and I can't wait to get my hands on him!  We had a baby shower for Della 2 weekends ago and I just couldn't stop buying stuff for this little fella!  Despite the fact that I'm having a baby and my brother's baby was born this month too, Jax was the one that I just couldn't stop buying for. 

Yes, David and Susanna have another boy now.  The pictures of him are so precious!  He's also going to be at my mom's for Christmas and I can't wait to get my hands on him either!  David and Susanna send lots of pictures and videos of Wheeler and Tommy.  I love seeing Wheeler be a big brother.  He's such a sweetheart!  I love him!  I love him!  I love him!

All of this good news yet there's still a dark cloud.  We've had 5 deaths this year.  The first 4 were cancer patients.  Not that those didn't sting but we were at least expecting them.  It's a lot easier, I soon discovered, that when you expect it you can start saying your goodbyes and at least let the person know just how much you love them.  My cousin, Wayne, passed away the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  Talk about something knocking you down for the count!  Wayne was in the Army for 15 years and was 37 years old.  If nothing else, this just shows you how fragile the human body truly is.  He died of a massive heart attack.  It was the result of severe dehydration secondary to the severe vomiting and diarrhea  caused by a virus.  This did not happen over a matter of days.  He was helping a friend move into his barracks when he didn't feel good.  He started with the vomiting and diarrhea and went to the ER.  Within 6 hours he was dead.  SIX HOURS!!! 

I've been in a fog ever since.  I was very close to him and think about him very often.  However, God is still good and knowing that we've had 2 births and a 2nd birth in the family the fog lifts a little.  As long as I keep giving God the glory and giving Him control of my life then the fog will be non existent.

We're not having small group meetings for the rest of the year.  I miss all of the people in our small group and can't wait to begin meeting again.  Dustin will be leading another group when we start back up.  We just won't be with the same group of people.  We'll still see them at church and around town.  I'm also looking forward to meeting new people.

I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone at Mom's and Dad's house on Christmas day.  All of mom's sisters will be there and Karen and Frank and tons of others.

Hope abounds all around.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!

Introductions

I'm really late in posting this but better late than never.

Introducing Big Brother Drew!

Drew will be the big brother to who we are right now calling, "Butter bean Hughes."

 "Butter bean Hughes" will be making his or her debut sometime in late April.  Dustin and I are pretty excited.  Drew seems to be oblivious at this point in the game but we're doing what we can to get him excited.  After all, he'll be getting a new bed out of the deal! 
In addition to our good news, Cousin Tommy will be arriving in about 5-6 weeks and so will another little cousin being born to my cousins John and Della.  I cannot tell you how excited I am about all the new arrivals.  I was very fortunate enough to grow up with a lot of cousins my age.  We had so much fun and are still close to this day despite the 4 hour time difference.
Some time in mid December we'll try to see if little "Butter bean" is a boy or a girl.  Neither of us has a preference we're just glad to be so blessed.

Life's Healing Choices part 2

I must admit I'm having a problem with this semesters small group study.  Not because I have some healing choices to make but because there are things in this study to which I cannot relate.  Most of the stories in the book deal with an abuse of some sort (alcohol, drugs, sex or porn.)  I do not have any addictions.  I know in the last post I stated that my downfall would be food.  Well, come to find out I know how to control it and have.  Another thing these stories deal with is feeling far away from God.  I DO NOT feel far away from God.  Quite the contrary.  I speak to God daily and on several occasions daily.  I've never been abused or had an addiction that I couldn't kick.  I love my family (yes, including my in-laws) and I love God.  One thing this study has made me realize is what a truly blessed and privileged life I really have.  I have absolutely nothing about which to complain!  I have it all, everything that I ever could have asked for!  So why do I complain about some trivial things?  Aha!  That is the question!  If I have it all then why do I complain about what I have?
From now on I will consciously choose to not complain.  That's going to be a tall order and I know that I will fail a lot but I will do my very best.

Life's Healing Choices

This semester our church is doing a small group study on a book by John Baker called, "Life's Healing Choices: Freedom From Your Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits."   We have been asked to write down or journal throughout the study.  I'll be using this as my "journal."
The first step to R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y. is: 
Realize I'm not God.  I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
The beatitude that corresponds to this is, "Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor."  My reality choice is admitting need.
There are 5 questions in the book that I'm going to attempt to answer to the best of my ability.  This is a very difficult step for me as I have a real problem that I need anything.  In my mind I can control myself and pretty much my surroundings. (I've got a lot to learn here.)

1.  What people, places, or things do you have the power to control?  I can sit here and tell you that I can control what I do but in reality I can't.  I have very little will power and most of my decisions not only affect me but my family as well.  I can sit here and tell you that I can control the temperature of my house but in reality if the unit breaks I'm powerless.  I can sit here and tell you that I can control my movements but the twitching in my left eye proves me otherwise.  I can't control anyone or anything.  This is scary for me to admit.

2.  What people, places, or things have you been attempting to control?  (Be specific)  I have attempted to control my son and his temper.  HA!  At a year and a half years old I may have met my match as far as a battle of wills is concerned.  I have attempted to control God by begging, threatening, and bargaining for the lives of all of my loved ones who have died and for those fighting to stay alive.  I make promises that I can never keep.  I get angry and refuse to speak to God because I think that I know better than He.  The more I write the more I think that I sound like my son and me in a battle of wills.  I know that God has my better interests in mind but I don't want to admit it.

3.  Describe how you try to control your image, other people, your problems, and your pain.  I try to control my image by talking up my accomplishments and never mentioning my faults.  I  try to control others by manipulation.  Such as I may try to make someone feel sorry for me in order to get my way.  Or maybe make them feel bad for asking me to do something that I don't want to do.  I try to control my problems by virtually dismissing or ignoring them.  I try to control my pain by eating.  I've recently discovered that I'm a stress eater...and it shows.

4.  Write down how the fear, frustration, fatigue, and failures of trying to be the general manager of the universe has affected your relationships with God and others.  Fear, frustration, fatigue and failure manifests in me as anger.  I'm angry a lot because I want to be in control and I'm afraid that I'm not.  I want to be able to control losing 12 loved ones in 10 years.  I want to be able to control the leukemia in my Dad.  I want to be able to control the happiness of my family so that they NEVER have to feel the pain of losing anyone to cancer, alcoholism, or dementia.  I want to control my friendships so that I never have to lose another friend.  I want to control all of their hurts, hang-ups and habits so that they become non existent.  But alas, my plan will not glorify God.  I HAVE lost family despite all of my efforts.  And I HAVE lost friends because of my attempts to control.

5.  What specific hurts, hang-ups, or habits have you been denying?  Eating!  I eat and eat and cannot control it.  In my attempts to control everything else I guess I feel like I have to let loose somewhere and this is it.

Random Dozen

My cousin, Karen, posted these questions on her blog today.  I thought I would post my answers to these random questions here.

1. What insect are you most afraid of? Feel free to post a picture.     Scorpions.  I don't know enough about them and the fact that they like to hide in dark places (like the sheets of the bed that I sleep in at my Mom's and Dad's house.)


2. What is the greenest/most organic thing about you or that you do?     I tried my hand at a garden this past summer.  TOTALLY over planted.  Lesson learned.  We still have some eggplant, sweet potatoes, basil, oregano, rosemary and bell peppers out there.  I also bake my own bread.  I make my own mayonnaise.  I have even made some home made noodles this year.  I love to pull weeds.  It's therapeutic for me and our yard has gracious plenty of them so I pull them by hand instead of using poison.

3. Tell me about a recurring dream that haunts you.      There's a certain room in my childhood home that haunts me.  I'm still not sure what that's all about.

4. Have you ever missed a flight? What were the circumstances?       No.

5. What do you consider your best feature?       My ability to laugh at myself.

6. What was the last concert you went to?       Jim Ed Brown.  Marina Civic Center.  The place was less than half full.  The opening act played for over 2 hours and we had to leave before Jim Ed Brown came on stage.  We had a baby sitter and needed to go pick up Drew.

7. Describe the most embarrassing church moment you ever experienced.      Once, during revival, at Davidson Baptist Church we were singing, "How Great Thou Art."  Let me stop here and say that when we sang in church there was no half-hearted singing.  Everyone sang with gusto and loud, praise worthy voices.  Sooo, apparently there was a pause, just before the final "How Great Thou Art" that was a little longer than I had anticipated and I screamed at the top of my lungs in a briefly silent sanctuary, "HOW!!"  I was mortified!  And I laughed for about 20 minutes afterward.

8. Are you a whistler, hummer or singer?       I like to do all.  Mainly a singer because it's in my genes.

9. George Washington Carver said, "I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in." What is God saying to you through nature today, or this very minute?        Life is great!  Everything is going to be alright.

10. On September, 1, 1752, the Liberty Bell arrived in Philadelphia. What memorable event will take place in your life on September 1, 2010?         My father-in-law is having surgery to remove cancer.

11. Taco Bell or the Liberty Bell? (You must choose.)         Much to the disgust of my husband I like Taco Bell but I really have to choose the Liberty Bell.  I love history and old artifacts and I would love to see the Liberty Bell.

12. Do you believe men and women can have purely platonic friendships?        Yes.  I say this because I have had purely platonic friendships with guys and I also have 2 female friends who has a purely platonic friendships with guys.  To me and my friends the thought of intimacy with our friends would be like kissing your brother...disgusting.

Ice Cream Sandwich Facial

For some reason Drew feels as if he has to bathe in his food.  Any time he gets anything and can smear on his hands he does exactly that.  He smears is on his face, in his hair and on his clothes.  I joke that we go through a bottle of Shout a week.  Actually we go through it in about a month.  Drew had a cheeseburger and fries for lunch today.  We had lunch with my mother-in-law (who, by the way, I absolutely adore).  She knows that Drew likes ketchup and put some on his tray for him to dip his fries.  He instead dipped his fingers and went to smearing.  Dessert was half an ice cream sandwich.  He wasn't sure what to do with it at first but got the hang of it pretty quick.  First, he held it, squeezed it and then licked it.  He looked at Nana and gave and appreciative mmMMmm.  He bit into it and then it started falling apart.  He did the best he could to manage but it just sort of got all over his hands.  Once he had a nice ice cream sandwich coating on his hands he decided it was time to bathe.  And bathe he did.

Slightly Thriving

Drew had another appointment with Dr. Zeinomar this morning.  Just as the doctor thought, Drew was not getting enough water and now his BUN levels are normal.  In fact, almost all of the labs came back normal...except one.  Of course!  Something to do with Drew's thyroid.  His T3 Free level was point 3 higher than it should have been.  Drew has his 18 month checkup coming up and if his regular pediatrician wants to have more labs drawn in a month then it will be up to her.  Otherwise there is nothing about which we need to be worried.  Thank you, Jesus!
Drew still has not gained a lot of weight.  For the past 3 months he's hovered around 19 to 20 pounds.  Today his weight was 20 pounds and 7 ounces.  Oh to have the metabolism of my son.  Oh to have the self control that I envy in a soldier.  Oh to not feel comfort in a box of Ho Ho's.  I don't have any Ho Ho's right now.  But if you'll excuse me, there's an unfinished carton of ice cream...

The Junk Room

In the house that I grew up in we had what we called "the junk room." This room contained all kinds of stuff. Both forgotten and not. I used to want to go through everything in there but was forbidden. Understandably so. Today, that room haunts me. It's really odd. I have weird dreams about that room. The most recent dream was that I needed to go to the house and get something and there was a small baby boy crying in that room. I was afraid to touch him because I knew that I would want to keep him if I did. And sometimes when I'm not thinking of anything in particular an image of that room and what it used to look like will just pop up into my head. The room no longer exists, in fact, the whole house doesn't exist anymore. Did I leave something in that room? I don't know. Is it just that it was forbidden? It wasn't always. It used to be our living room. We moved from that house when I was a senior in high school. I didn't want to move. I grieved that house. It was built in 19oo and something. By bedroom was 15 X 15 with 12 foot ceilings. The hallway was 9 feet wide and 30 feet long. It had hard wood floors and fire places in all 4 of the front rooms. The porch was deep and stretched across the entire front of the house. The attic was extremely interesting to me. I was never allowed to go up there but I would sneak up there and pretend that it was my room. But that front room to the left as you walked into the house is what I think of most. I'm sure somewhere deep in my sub-conscience I may have left some sort of childhood memory that I'm trying to get back or re-create. Isn't that how psychology works? Maybe it's just that I feel that I have a lot of junk (figuratively and literally) that I need to clear out. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll figure it out.

When God speaks you better listen or get knocked off your feet

Today I was knocked off my feet...again. Before my Dad was diagnosed with Leukemia there was a certain song stuck in my head. I truly love the song and part of the lyrics goes a little something like this:

"When my world is shaking heaven stands. And when my heart is breaking I never leave your hands."

The song is called, "Hands" by J.J. Heller. Beautiful song. In any case, the song was stuck in my head and I sang it over and over again. Then I needed those words. I needed the truth of them. I needed to be held because my world was shaking really bad. I'm a daddy's girl to the Nth degree. Once I heard the diagnosis then another part of the song was replaying over and over in my head, "The hands that shape the world are holding me, they hold me still." I truly believe that God is in control.

Today...On my way to meet Dustin and his mom for lunch I heard another song that I really like. The song is "I will praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns. The chorus goes a little something like this:

"I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands. You are who you are no matter where I am. Every tear I cry you hold in your hands. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm."

Without me really paying attention I felt myself honing in on those words. I should have known another quake was coming...
Ms. Angie told us that Dustin's dad has prostate cancer. The same rock in my gut that I felt the day I heard about my dad came back. I fought back tears like a desperate mother trying to save her child. I was screaming inside. Mostly for my husband. He thinks the world of his dad. He was stoic but I saw him falling apart and not wanting to ask the questions that he had for fear of losing composure in a public place. I rubbed his back but all he would do was stare straight ahead. She told us that they caught it early and that he has a lot of options. He will be going to Jacksonville to talk about these options with a specialist. Ms. Angie told us not to worry about him but that she felt an odd sense of peace about everything.
I know that God is in control but my problem is that I want to dictate that control. NO ONE in my family should have to deal with such a vicious monster such as cancer! And this is the part where I need the most help. Letting go and letting God do what he does best. After all Father truly does know best.

Life in Florida

I love living here. I don't miss my home town just the people there. I've tried several times to get my folks to move here but they will not. All hope was shot down when my parents bought a beautiful place on West Point Lake. I'm glad they have it because now when we visit we all (Dustin, Drew and me along with David, Susanna and Wheeler AND Mom and Dad) have our own space. Three stories and 4000 square feet of our own space.
I still love living in Florida. I was trying to move to FL when I met Dustin. Then when he came home one day, after we were married, and told me that he got a job in Panama City I had the house packed in 3 days. The only problem with that was that we had 3 weeks to move. So we survived the rest of the time on take out food because I packed away all the pots and pans. We moved into his parent's weekend place on Crystal Lake and put our house on the market. We only had to bring our clothes from GA because the house we moved into was fully furnished. After a year and a half on the market the house finally sold. We had 2 offers and took both of them. The first offer fell through and when the second offer came we jumped on it. I have to say that we jumped on it hesitantly because the people buying the house wanted all of the furniture too. The bedroom suite that I'd had since I was 12, a hand-me-down bed that Dustin's parents gave to him along with some older furniture and even the couch that Dustin had had since college. I really think that the people buying it really just wanted the pool table. It was a gorgeous Brunswick circa 1995. They even made sure that we left the art work on the walls in the game room. All of which came from Big Lots! Whatever, the house sold. By that time we had Drew and were busting at the seams in the tiny house we were in and needed somewhere to put our roots. We researched and and worked with Wilma Taylor, our realtor, to find the house that we finally bought. I love this house. It has all the space that we needed and a playground in the back yard! It has room to park a boat, when ever we decide to buy one and a cute little courtyard in the front of the house. Gorgeous azaleas and crepe myrtles and palm trees. We even had space to put in a garden! The only furniture that we had when we moved in was Drew's bedroom suite. We really had to buckle down and find some really good deals on stuff because on top of buying a house we had to completely furnish it. Master bedroom suite, couch, chair and ottoman, rocker/recliner, coffee table, rug, TV, credenza, guest bedroom suite, dining room table and chairs, table and mirror for entry, sofa table, book shelves and a new pool table. These are all of the things that we got on our very limited budget. With Gods help we made it all work.
I'm a stay at home mom now and wouldn't have it any other way. There is so much more to do here and so many more opportunities for us and for Drew here that were not available to us in GA or AL. There are 3 parks within walking distance of our house. Not to mention the mini park in our back yard. We are so close to town that it only takes 15-20 minutes to get anywhere I need to go. It takes less than 5 minutes to get to a grocery store. The church we are going to join is a straight shot from the house and the people there are phenomenal! We have a small group meeting every Wednesday night and love being a part. During the summer both Pier Park on the beach and the city of Lynn Haven have free concert series'. Lynn Haven has theirs on Tuesday night's and Pier Park has theirs on Thursday nights. Drew loves going to these events. He gets to run around and play and wear himself out. The music is usually good and the breezes can't be beat.
We have really good friends here and not to mention a lot of family that live close by. I've always lived close to family and I'm not sure I could survive if we moved somewhere they weren't. Dustin's family is so much like my family it's almost scary. I dearly love my in-laws. I know you don't hear that often but I truly do. In fact my mother-in-law is who I hang out with the most. If I don't talk to her at least twice a week then Drew and I go visit her. I truly, truly love it here.
I guess I've rambled enough for one day. Besides, I've got cookies to make for small group tonight.

Failure to Thrive

This is not something that anyone wants to hear about their child. I have 3 pieces of paper with these words written on them. All of them are orders from the local Pediatric GI Specialist that I'm to take to the local hospital to have tests run on my sweet son. He's going on 17 months now and is still hovering around 19 or 20 pounds. No one seems to know why. They will be testing him for Cystic Fibrosis (all of the nurses that I've talked to says that he shouldn't have it because usually there's so much fluid on the lungs that you can hear a cystic fibrosis patient breathing down a hallway...Drew's not a heavy breather), Celiac disease which an autoimmune disease that affects the intestinal lining due to eating gluten and the last thing that he will be tested for is hydrocephalus which means that he may have water or fluid on the brain. I don't think that he has this last one because everything that I've read about the signs and symptoms do not apply to Drew. Signs and symptoms include: irritability, seizures, separated sutures, sleepiness and vomiting. Drew is a very happy-go-lucky kid and has never suffered from a seizure. Separated sutures...I guess that means where the skull fuses together in spots...Drew seems to have a pretty solid skull. He's hit it enough that I'm pretty sure he's as hard headed as both his mom and dad. Sleepiness...he's very energetic and sleeps 8-10 hours a night and takes one 2-3 hour nap during the day. Vomiting...the only time he vomited recently was when he ran a temp of 105. Other than that, he doesn't vomit. I feel pretty good about the tests coming up negative but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up. The rug upon which I stand tends to be yanked out from underneath when my hopes get too lofty.
What really gets me about this is that I feel like I've done something wrong here. I've been told time and time again that there's nothing I can do or could have done. But there's always that nagging feeling in my gut that I just haven't done enough or that I should have done something different. This is so MADDENING! I've cried, I've lost sleep, I've cried some more. I've put it in God's hands, I've taken it back only to find that the weight of it all is too much for me. I give it back to God because he alone has the answers that I seek.
It is time for me to "be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10